Dear Dad, Today I Simply Miss You.

Dear Dad,

Today is hard.

Today I simply miss you.

Today I have missed everything about you and carried you in the deepest most treasured part of my heart for four years.

I miss your face.

I miss your smile.

I miss your bahaha belly laugh.

I miss standing on your feet while you walked around. Pretending as if I was still 5 years old.

I miss hearing the way you unlocked the front door and running to the front door to greet you.

I miss your voice.

I miss you advice. I miss it a lot. No ones sits in my heart the way yours did.

I miss the way you loved my child like heart. You embraced it, adored it, cherished it and protected it. You understood it.

I miss calling you on your way home from work to ask you to bring home icecream. I always knew you would bring back at least three different kinds.

I miss the way you would eat it with me so I wouldn’t have to enjoy it alone.

I miss the way you clipped your nails so carefully.

I miss your amazing comfort. More than I could ever imagine.

I miss calling you on road trips. You always knew how to keep me awake.

I miss your hugs.

I miss seeing your shoes at the front door and I miss your precious soft feet.

I miss your adorable plaid shirts and matching vests.

I miss your handwriting, you were such an engineer.

I miss doing chemistry, math and physics with you. I hated the subjects but loved your devotion to me.

I miss the family gatherings we would have in our backyard. You used every excuse to gather everyone together.

I miss sitting around the fire with you. Just hanging out.

I miss you during every holiday, birthday and fathers day. What I would give to celebrate with your smile again!

I miss your special eggs. I can still taste them. I miss that you insisted on hand feeding them to us up until the last time you made them.

I miss watching you think.

I miss how you said moos-tard instead of mustard and yah-gurt instead of yoghurt.

I miss sitting on your shoulders…even when I was 23!

I miss the times I would hear you come home late at night, pretending to still be asleep knowing you would adjust my blankets and kiss my forehead.

I miss not worrying about my car, an oil change or tune up. You took care of everything!

I miss knowing you knew all the answers.

I miss your guidance.

I miss the way you called me “jootik” and “hamov”

I miss how you would bite our cheeks!

I miss your tough love because you knew I could do better and be better.

I miss taking pictures with you. You always appreciated a real smile.

I miss laughing at you for wearing tall white socks with brown leather sandals.

I miss you letting me take all the change out of your pockets.

I miss seeing the garage door open knowing you were working in the garage.

I miss how you took every opportunity to teach us a chemistry, math or physics lesson.

I miss how selfless you were. Always thinking of everyone else.

I miss your pop quiz phone calls. Sometimes…teehee!

I miss seeing “Dad” when my cell phone rings.

I miss you telling me you are proud of me.

I miss your oh so old fashioned ways. They were so valuable and I didn’t even know it.

I miss being your prized possession.

I miss leaving out my math tests on the table for you to see when you got home from work. I loved knowing you would be proud.

I miss your sense of humor and your silly jokes. You made everyone laugh.

I miss your perfectionism and how OCD you were about certain things.

I miss your incredible patience.

I miss how you understood my heart better than anyone ever will. I could never fool you.

I miss everything about you.

I miss the memories we were supposed to make.

What I am most grateful for is that you knew the person I could be and you guided me there. Never doubted me, never ever gave up on me. Always ensuring me that I already had everything in me to be the best Anahid I could possibly be. I carry with me every lesson and piece of advice you gave me. I use them every day! Although you are not physically here to guide me, the values you instilled in me are so deep and so true, they will guide me forever.

My heart rests in the power of Jesus, knowing that you are safe and happy with him. Knowing you are healthy and free of pain. Knowing you were saved by Him. Mostly, my heart rests in knowing that I will dance with you again.

For today, I simply miss you.

I love you infinity!

Your little hamov one,

Anahid

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6 thoughts on “Dear Dad, Today I Simply Miss You.

  1. Your love of life and family is so inspirational! I am so glad you are in my life. Praying for new revelations of comfort to wash over you.

  2. Anahid, thank you for sharing your love for your father. It is inspiring!!!! I see why you are the way you are. Your father sounds like an amazing man! You are his reflection.

  3. Anahid:

    I am so touched by your entry here about your father. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dear Mother when I was nineteen years old. It devastated me for years. I’m much older now, yet still not a day (maybe not even an hour) goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her deeply. But I remember the day I started to feel “normal” again. It was the day I stopped trying to feel “normal” again. 🙂 It was the day when I realized that I was never, ever going to stop missing her. I remember that day. I was so tired of feeling badly and missing her. But then I realized something. In realizing that I was never going to feel “normal” or like I did when she was alive again, I realized what an incredible testimony how much I missed her was to the live she lived. 🙂 I’m not saying it’s good to feel badly, but wow, as amazing and as affecting as it sounds like your father was, how in the world could you ever get to the point where the longing to be with him or the deep desire to just share a gaze with him and have him in the room with you would ever go away?! 🙂 I remember the day when I realized that i was never going to feel completely better again. I smiled, felt another tear form in my eyes, shook my head and said, “Wow. What a life she lived! I hope I can affect people one tenth as much as she did.” The fact that this many years later I’m still not “better” is such a wonderful testament to the life she lived… I am so sorry for your loss; yet I am so happy for you for what you got to have! It’s no big surprise to me post meeting you how cool your father was. He’s still with you, and as strange as it may sound, I kind of feel like Jodi and I got to meet him just a little the other night… 🙂 He’s part of you as my mother is part of me. Isn’t it great that we’re never gonna completely stop missing them? 🙂 It took four minutes for Jodi and I to conclude that you are amazing. 🙂 I now know part of the reason why… 🙂 You have both my celebratory applause for what you had and my sincere condolences for what you and your (i’m sure) beautiful family lost. it gets some better in time… 🙂 but just remember how cool it is that it’ll likely never get completely better. I hope that sounds alright to you. 🙂

    John

  4. Dear Anahid,
    8 years ago today, my dad passed away.
    I was so moved by your letter. I was sobbing all day!
    I hope its ok , I did base a letter to my dad on it!
    After 8 years I can tell you the void will never be filled it just gets easier to deal with.

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